Sometimes grief is ugly.

I try with all of my night to find beauty through all of the pain and sadness. It is grueling and painstaking work. But you know what? There are times when grief is just plain ugly.

There are people in our lives who have walked away, and decided not to support us through the loss of our daughter. We have encountered people who couldn’t withhold judgement, or keep their opinions to themselves. Several people have said incredibly hurtful and disappointing things to us. Some have tried to ignore the fact that our daughter existed, always change the subject when we talk about her, and shut her memory out of their lives.

It’s truly the most difficult part of it all. These things are sometimes referred to as secondary losses. When you lose a child, you often lose so much more.

I’m writing this here because I always try to portray myself in the most honest and authentic way. I wanted to share that grief isn’t always a steadily moving process that heals itself into a neat little package.

I also needed to release these thoughts from the place where I’ve kept them locked up in my heart. I wanted to let go of the anger, hurt and disappointment, so I can keep moving forward.

At the end of the day, these secondary losses have taught me to really appreciate those who have stepped up. The people who selflessly walk through the messy emotions with us. They have made all the difference and I am so thankful for each of them.


4 thoughts on “Sometimes grief is ugly.

  1. Pingback: Sometimes grief is ugly. — Roses in the Air | caribbeanvoice

  2. I can identify with so much of what you’re going through. My husband and I lost our daughter at 21 weeks in March. All was going great until her 20 week anatomy scan, where she was diagnosed with 2 congenital heart defects. Major defects. We were faced with the most horrific decision of our lives. I miss her every minute of the day. It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t gone through this. The transition from being pregnant to not, is so deeply painful. Prayers to you that you continue to heal. Your baby girl is always with you, as mine is. Blessings. Your writing is amazing!


  3. I am very sorry to hear of your loss..It is even sadder to hear the way people have treated you. I wish people would step back from situations and put themselves into it and then maybe they could even try to understand. I have not suffered the loss of a child, but my daughter is incredibly complicated and her life has been held in the balance more than once and is looking into 3 major surgeries this upcoming year. I could not imagine what the actual emotion you must feel and try to live with but I could sympathize with them. I am not on wordpress much but I would like you to know I am a very good listener, If you need to vent out some of these emotions to make the day tolerable please reach out to me, I care


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